Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
