my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Randomize
