Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
and you fell through a lawn chair
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
