Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
whose parrot is this?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
