well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
