I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Screwed.edu
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
