Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
