She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
