Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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