are you so shy because you have an std?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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