What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
