Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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