I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
