I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
