You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
