i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
