So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
