apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
