My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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