god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
