I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
