I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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