chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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