Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
