Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
