I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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