He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
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