you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
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