How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
