I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
