That's when you crack a 10am beer
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
