I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
