TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize