are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Randomize