Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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