Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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