so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize