Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Randomize
