Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
