Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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