The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize