do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
