Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
