After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
