I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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