dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I looked at my own cervix.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
