And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
