So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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