I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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