I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
