Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
