Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
