I hope my margaritas pass through security.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
