So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
