i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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