Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
