The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
