You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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