I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
