as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize