I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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