Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
