I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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