yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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