It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
